awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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