and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
