Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
