you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
