I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
