shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
