I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
