You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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