idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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