I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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