Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
