She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
