soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
