nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
