speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
