So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
