Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
