did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
