you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
