Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What a dumb baby whore.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
