I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
