somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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