Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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