Nicole vs. Life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
