i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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