I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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