Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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