Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
