my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
