I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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