Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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