I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
