Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I did not marry a roomba.
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