Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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