He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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