Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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