Im at strip club and am horny
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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