Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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