I must be too annoying 4 u.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
