it was like eating out sand paper
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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