I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
