This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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