I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
