you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
