I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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