so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
