i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
