Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
