She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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