youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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