having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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