i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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