My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
